I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
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Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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