On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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