Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
