My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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