it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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