i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just got carded by a ten year old.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
