I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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