My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
