Apparently you make a good broom.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
