just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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