We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
