oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
