Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
