I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
