What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
