All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
