My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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