I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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