his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
