I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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