Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
