My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
