They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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