Only a mothe r could love this liver
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
