I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
