I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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