well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
