Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
