he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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