This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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