I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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