he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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