We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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