Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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