hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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