You're so nebulous sometimes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
