hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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