im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
