My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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