I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize