I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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