omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
