This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
