i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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