Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
