The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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