my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
