do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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