I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
