went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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