I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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