Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
