i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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