Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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