mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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