Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
