the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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