Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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