Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
