And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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