I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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