I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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