if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
