We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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