Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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