Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
