it hurts more in the daytime
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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