My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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