My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
