we made out on top of his cat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm having to shit out rocks
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