Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
