I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love you. Go after that dick
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
