he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
